Joy & Depression: Can They Coexist?

Growing up in the church, I had heard a fair amount of teaching on the difference between joy and happiness. Happiness, I was told, is temporal and based on your circumstances. Whereas joy was something deeper that could stand strong even in the midst of life’s storms. In the early years of my life, including the beginning years of my young adulthood, I was able to subscribe to this belief without difficulty. Happiness was something that the world could give to any mere sinner. Things like money, appearance, and other shallow accouterments could easily bring happiness. But only the things of God could bring true joy. And since I was a follower of God, I could trust that my life would always be filled with joy.

However, when I struggled with a deep depression after some truly painful and confusing life circumstances, in spite of earnestly and daily seeking the Lord, I did not feel joy. Perhaps it is true that joy and happiness are not meant to be entirely synonymous, but certainly the word “joy” still connotes a feeling of pleasure or contentment. When I was depressed and people told me that I could have joy in the midst of it, I felt like a plant that could see the rain falling, but for some reason I could not drink any of it. I was dry and thirsty. Hearing people talk about joy only reminded me of that. What I felt was no semblance of pleasure, but rather an emptiness and a sense of being rejected by God. I did everything I could to honor him, to turn to him, to praise him, to be grateful to him, and yet I still felt overwhelmed by grief and sadness.

Through this time, I found a lot of comfort in the Psalms, which do not sugarcoat the human experience of suffering. Psalm 88 ends not with an overcoming proclamation of joy, but with the words

“darkness is my closest friend” and in verse 9, “I am confined and cannot escape; my eyes are dim with grief.”

As I continued to seek God through my suffering, though I did not feel what would be traditionally described as joy, I began to feel something else: the presence of God. God was meeting me where I was, in the middle of my sadness and grief. As time progressed, I began to pray for God to give purpose and meaning to my suffering, even in the midst of unchanged circumstances. God answered this prayer in a thousand big and small ways. As I experienced this, I felt hope starting to slowly seep back in. In order to find relief from my depression I needed a combination of therapy and medication, as well as the support of my friends and family. In the midst of it all, God gave me hope and he gave me comfort.

So what do I think now about joy? Well, I wouldn’t necessarily say that I felt joy at the height of my depression. However, in the midst of my struggles God gave me the comfort of His presence and the hope that I would not remain so downcast forever. Over time, the joy did come as I saw the good fruit that God was growing in my life through my difficult circumstances.

So to the Christian who does not feel joy today, it’s okay. Perhaps today, the joy of the Lord may look more like a small physical comfort, a bit of emotional relief, a few kind words from a friend, or an encouraging word from Scripture. Joy doesn’t always have to look like smiling and jumping up and down. Maybe for now, it can simply look like receiving the comfort of God’s presence in the midst of your struggle and living in hope that God will redeem the brokenness of your situation. Perhaps joy will come, not like a flashlight which switches on automatically, but like a sunrise which gradually illuminates the landscape. Maybe in your darkest night, joy could be like the stars, little beacons of light in the midst of all the darkness reminding us that we are not alone.