Hindsight

This morning I was sitting on the couch sipping my coffee and enjoying a time of prayer and reflection. My sweet cat was purring at my feet and I felt a deep sense of gratitude sink into my bones. As I glanced up at the mantel over the fireplace, my eyes fell upon a framed bible verse I have as a decoration. The artwork is a beautiful watercolor of a mountain scene and the verse is Joel 2:25, "I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten." This may not be the most traditional of bible verses to have front and center in your home, but it is one that is meaningful to me.

I first hung up this bible verse last summer when I was living in a tiny one bedroom apartment, grieving over a broken heart, and struggling to recover from double foot surgery. At that time, I felt that my life was over and it was very difficult to imagine how things could ever be good again. Some amazing Christian women that I look up to shared this bible verse with me as one to hold on to in this time. I had been through three years of intense physical pain and mobility challenges, a pandemic , and the ending of a relationship with someone I was planning to marry. It felt like my world was collapsing in on me and the bright future I had imagined for myself seemed totally lost. Still, I hung up this bible verse as a reminder that the Lord can restore anything including my shattered hopes and dreams for the future.

Throughout the year I would often sit on my couch crying out to God to rescue me from the pain of depression and despair and I would look up at that bible verse and say "Lord, I claim this in your name. Please let this be true for my life. Please restore all the things that these years have taken from me." For a long time, it felt like nothing was happening. I write a lot about the dormancy of trees in winter, seeds buried underground, and caterpillars inside chrysalises because these things all feel like perfect examples of the way we feel in seasons where it seems God has abandoned us and is not answering our most heartfelt prayers. But like the trees, and like the seeds, and like the caterpillars, sometimes when it seems like nothing is happening, real transformation is about to burst forth.

Through this time my life, I have learned that God's goodness is present even in those wilderness seasons, and that it doesn't depend on the circumstances. God is good when I am in pain and God is good when I am healed. God is good when I am grieving and God is good when I am praising. God is good when I am depressed and God is good when I am joyful. Through all the seasons and all the circumstances, I have learned that I can lean on God's goodness and love to carry me through anything. But what I am discovering now, is that in his goodness and mercy He truly can bring restoration in our lives.

One year ago at this time, I was feeling lost, depressed, and despairing. As I dealt with all of these feelings, I looked considered the character of God as He made the promise in Joel 2:25 "I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten." I meditated on His promises through my tears and through my many dark days. And today, I look at that same verse and can claim it as truth. Every day I see more and more how God is bringing restoration and redemption to my story. He has blessed me far beyond what I imagined.