There is More

In 2021, I felt like I had lost everything. The past several years had already been filled with so many unmet longings and unanswered prayers. Physically, I had been struggling with chronic foot injuries that none of the many doctors I visited could seem to solve. Every day I struggled with pain just to stand and walk around. I had lost the ability to hike, run, bike, or even walk around a grocery store. Societally, we lost our sense of security and our social connectivity due to the Covid-19 pandemic. Relationally, I just gone though the worst breakup of my life, losing the person I had depending on for support through all the other tumultuous situations I was experiencing. I was totally broken and couldn't see my future as anything more than a cliff being swallowed by the dark abyss. I simply could not picture things getting better or ever feeling happy again. It felt like my life was over, and I was only 30!

If there's anything I could say to someone who is feeling like I felt back then, it would be please hold on to the faith that there is more. I'm writing this blog post in 2022 sitting in my new house that I just bought (first time homeowner!), next to the sweetest kitten in the world (when I used to swear I would never get a pet), having just returned from a vacation to Europe where I was able to walk through airports in 3 different countries and even climbed a few rocks in the Alps. I'm about to publish a poetry book, I have a job I love, and have made new friends throughout the past year who have brought so much joy and love into my life. In short, I am seeing that after all the trauma of the past few years, my life isn't actually over after all. There is more.

I believe that God allowed me to go through that season of suffering because He knew that I needed it to be able to grow into the person I'm supposed to be. All of the losses I experienced have deepened me and turned my attention to the things that are truly important. I've seen time and time again that God has had His hand on my life. He has led me to new dreams, gifts, people and experiences that I never expected. But interestingly, one of the biggest lessons I have learned through this time in my life is how to trust God even when the difficult circumstances remain unchanged. He taught me how to see goodness and find purpose in every single day, even the most painful ones. He gave me a heart for the people around me who are in pain and in need of love. God sustained me through years of difficult circumstances and unmet longings and as a result, I have learned to see beauty in both the times of want and the times of plenty.

When I stop and think about all of the dark and difficult places I've been and see now that they have led me here, to this particular point in my life, I am in awe of God's sovereignty and goodness. I know that when the next hard season comes, God will be with me there as well. He is always at work and we are not abandoned. To anyone who is facing dark and challenging circumstances, I encourage you to seek the Lord. Don't turn away from Him out of anger or confusion. Fight the good fight of faith. Sometimes when it seems like everything is crashing down and coming to an end, something beautiful is lingering just below the soil, ready to burst forth at the right time. God is a God of resurrection. He brings life out of the darkest circumstances. We can trust Him. There is more.